Secret don't apologize for telling us how you feel. I know I've been really needy lately too. Please don't hurt yourself because you are wonderful and special. I know somewhere down the line there is a special plan out there for you. I understand the pain can be enormous and overwhelming. Keep posting to us. We love you. Seek out your best support systems at home. Maybe contact your doc and see if he/she can try you on some new meds. Hang in there. We love you. I'm always willing to listen.