Hi nolafeline, I think many of us here have experienced what you have described. I've struggled with depression since early adolescence, and many times I have just felt like ending it all. To be honest, I have no idea what makes me push myself through the day. Maybe routine, I have comorbid OCD. Idk maybe the hope that one day it will get better. Anyways, I am relatively new here myself, but can say that the community is very supportive and willing to help. Wishing you the best.