Now that I've had time to step back form my intense emotion of fear that came up when my T talked about this I can see more clearly. Lol...no surprises right?

I do understand that we all have different parts and so much of what you all said really resonates with me. I think what made me feel so weird, and always has since my T very first mentioned it, is when he speaks about the hurt scared child inside of me. I just struggle so much to allow that part of me to come to the surface, to expose that terrified part of me that holds all of the hurt. It feels so intensely risky. Even now, after 15 months with this T, he seems somewhat surprised to know that my deepest fear still is that he will leave me, he will exit me from the service before I am ready. I guess that is the child, still terrified?

I am now quite familiar with the rebellious teen voice that I speak with at times, yesterday in fact I told my T that I wanted to tell him to F right off when he spoke about the parts.....he laughed loudly as did I. I think that what also worries me is how this work is supposed to happen, and how will I ever feel either balanced or 'integrated'? And how long this will take? I always feel like I am time limited and that things are not happening quickly enough....my T says that he feels the pressure, even said that we maybe put too much pressure on each other. Ugh!

Blur, thanks for the link, I'll go and read it tonight once my boy is in bed. Everyone else, I really do appreciate the honest and open replies, this really helps me.

Please, I hope this offends no one because I am referring to myself only......but this sort of understanding of myself, all the parts, makes me feel even more nuts than I am!