Fuzzy,
I will admit outright that I have not read all of your replies.
.
Let me say this....your recovery is up to you. Practice mindfulness and meditation with a passion, as though your life depends on it.....it truely does. Find a friend or two on PC or otherwise who you can confide in regardless of how gosh-darn hard that can be. Research how a diet and suppliments can make a difference and do them.
Don't allow your future in to the hands of "professionals". No one knows you as well as you. I've been in a situation for several years that I didn't have access to "professionals", and through trial and error as well as a possible issue with fast cycling bipolar in addition, I'm okay. It's hard.....can be very hard, but I've done okay, and you can too.

I don't check my PMs much anymore, but know that you're a friend, and I'll help if I can. You're not alone.

I know a lot of people on here will disagree with me....it's been hard, but it does work. I wish you nothing but the absolute best.