Hi all,

I had therapy at 5PM on Friday. As most of you know I have been doing quite well and been out of crisis for some time. It's still that way but losing motivation in therapy to continue working so hard. I'm in my last module of DBT and going to do one more 6 month stint of DBT just for reinforcement. I'm growing to love DBT as it has quite literally saved my life. The stability I have now is so amazing I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Now that I have consistent stability and the crises have long passed we are working on building more of a social life. With the emotional chaos the last few years I've become quite isolated. However, the anxiety of just saying hi to someone is incredibly high. I can be around people. It's just initiating verbal interactions that leave me paralyzed. Initially I was determined to face and overcome this anxiety but it is so uncomfortable I just want to run away but I will remain isolated if I don't face it. Goodness...all this back and forth about this work is crazy-making in itself.

We are also working on my guttered self-esteem. We've talked about contributing factors to my extremely low self-esteem. So I understand why it is so low but man rebuilding seems tedious and actually quite boring.but it's so intertwined with my becoming more social that it is very necessary to work on.

Maybe it's just that progress seems so slow now and before when I started with current T and DBT progress seemed to be cruising quite quickly.

Just thinking out loud...thanks for reading...