((LileyDiane)),

Yes, it is not unusual for someone struggling with PTSD to distance from others like that. It is very hard to explain to people how challenging it is and it can be very painful too, so the person who struggles will try to "avoid" just to gain a sense of relief or safety. You need to understand that it isn't "just remembering" when a reminder comes up, it's a lot more with PTSD. PTSD really "magnifies" emotions and can present crippling anxiety, and the person struggling can even feel like they ran a marathon and be totally exhausted, and that can take place without the person even "thinking about it", it just comes over them. A lot depends of the individuals history and "what" traumatized them too. Often the person struggling reaches out for therapy and a therapist (if they are good and knowledgeable) helps the patient slowly work "through" whatever is there and slowly learn how to "gradually" gain more control, it is "hard work". The desire to "avoid" as I mentioned is incredibly strong, it's the same as if you had a very painful injury on your body and you avoid anything that might aggravate it because it can send a message of a lot of pain if you don't. That is how PTSD is too, only the injury is in the brain and the person who struggles gets confused by it and a person who struggles can't tell anyone if they will be able to overcome it, and to what degree they can manage it better either. And to be honest, not being able to know how to explain this to others either is very depressing, embarrassing, and tends to lead to the person struggling to feel worse and unworthy too. So, that is "why" they often just choose to disconnect in every way.

If this person is distancing this way from you, it isn't "you" at all, it is just that he doesn't know how to do a relationship right now because it tends to stab at the injury that you don't see and he himself doesn't see or quite understand either. And he can't promise "normal" to you because he genuinely doesn't know if he can ever trust or do "normal" again in his life.

It doesn't do any good if you try to call or write him either, even if you promise to be caring, patient, and understanding with him. He will be answering to that desire to "avoid" and he doesn't really understand it himself. However, the good thing is that he has reached out for help with it, that is what he needs to do most right now.

The best thing you can do, IMHO, is write him a note and tell him that you do understand and that you see he is a really nice person and that he deserves to reach out for help and heal no matter how long it takes him. Tell him you are very sorry someone has hurt him and all you want to see is that he gets to mourn that and get help to do just that because he truly deserves that and that you realize that he can't tell you how long that will take and that's ok, just go and take care of "you" and heal.

And that is something his abuser never gave him permission to do.

I can't express enough that it is not because he doesn't want to care and be with you either, it's just that he struggles and he doesn't know how to fix that or even explain it to you or quite understand it himself. When that happens, the person struggling just withdraws. However, what that person really needs to do is make sure they reach out to a good therapist and get support from those who "do" understand it, because that really helps and even can provide some "relief" from feeling so alone with the challenge. The person who struggles "wants to heal so badly" too.

I am sorry you came across this sad situation, but the positive thing is it has led to him reaching out for help, that is so important.