Amy, I had a chance to sit down & read through ALL your journey. I lost my mother to cancer almost 9 years ago now (seems like yesterday). I had wished & actually expected that she would have given out wisdom but she was so in denial that her cancer was even possibly terminal, the only thing she did was continually ask ME when she was going to get better.

The last 2 months of her life, I hardly left her side.....started with the need to protect her from the evil home care person I got rid of finally after 5 days of horror......& then weeks in the hospital where I slept next to her just in case the evil home care person or other evil people would show up. I did more comforting of her during those last months. Seeing your openness & the openness of another friend who had cancer a few years ago.....I realize that the openness is possible.....but when a person hasn't provided wisdom throughout their life......it's not going to be a normal thing for them to provide it at the end.

In reading your posts here.....you have always shared yourself constantly throughout your life in so many meaningful ways. I can totally relate to the things you have done.....as they are similar to my experiences.....but I know it's God talking through me & nudging me.....remember he tells us that "if you do it to the least of these you have done it to me".

Less than a year ago, I was driving home to my farm in my truck with a new phone that I had no numbers put into yet & it wasn't working as it should. It was evening.....& this guy was walking his bike up the highway. Initially I drove by & turned onto the pike to head home....but this little voice inside kept telling me to go back. I thought he might have just been out on a ride & was tired & walking home to someplace near by as after near by.....there was nothingness for more than 20 some miles. Asked him if he needed a ride & then asked where he was heading to....the big city more than 30 miles away. So instead, I took him to my farm & BBQ'ed a huge dinner. Thought I would drive him up to the city after we ate. However in talking more over dinner & asking more questions, I found that he was actually heading several 100 miles away trying to get home. I had nothing planned that Sunday after church, so gave him a sleeping bag, threw cloths in the washer. We went to church the next morning & then I drove him home after. I am sure that God leads us to help people who's lives HE wants touched. This young guy commented that he had never had anyone who cared about him all his life. I could relate because even though I had people who physically cared there was no feeling behind their actions.

I know that God puts us places where we are needed & puts it in our heart to help but it's still our choice to take the action or not....but taking the action makes a huge difference. One time I was driving back to work after a racquettball lunch & this older man was crossing the street at the light, tripped & fell with is grocery bags. There I was in my car....seeing this & seeing people standing around doing absolutely NOTHING. I found a parking place & walked back & helped the man & his groceries into his apartment. Interesting thing...I went back a few days later to check if he was ok....& he didnt even remember what had happened.....just glad that I got him home safe that day.

As an aerospace engineer in my younger days, I was always working late into the early morning (also trying to avoid a bad marriage).....for some reason this one night I took the dark winding, out of the way road heading home....dont even know why I didn't hop on the freeway & fly home. But in driving down the road, I came across this car that had run into the overpass. It wasn't totalled & the person wasn't hurt....but he was sure stuck out in the middle of nowhere......& I'm sure that he had also been drinking......this was before cell phones.....so my only option was to make sure he got home.

I am so sure that God puts us in these places where he knows we will be the ones willing & able to take the action needed & to shine His light & His LOVE on these people & to make a difference in their life.

I loved reading the opportunities you have had to help others....it's so inspiring to know that there are others out there who have been willing to go in the direction that God points & to follow his little voice inside.

Like I said.....the wisdom & insights that you are providing through your emails & posts is wonderful.....after the experience with my own mother & the expectations that I had that were disappointed. I also promised myself that if ever in a similar position I would choose to express the wisdom & share from the experiences & learning that God has provided me....& I thank you for doing that. What is a life lived if we can't learn from it & share what we have learned?

I didn't eat a piece of chocolate for you but a chocolate dipped strawberry....those are my weakness.