Hi secretwhisper, that's really brave of you to be thinking of the hospital. I know you may not want it to get to that, but the most important thing is what's right for you.
So you know hope doesn't have to be gone, if you need the hospital then they may be able to give you the meds and help you need, but I'm sure you can find just a little (?) more hope and strength on here too. And we're hanging with you whether you choose/need the hospital or not.
And whatever's going to work for you e.g. taking things an hour......two hours.......at a time........trying to focus on "better" times ahead, really acknowledging how you're feeling and trying to take control of it, or "just" letting out/sharing how things are........
Either/any way we understand, and we're here for you.
Alison