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A number of men are extremely reluctant to enter into a therapeutic relationship. The only time I have actively sought counseling since my own experience (psychotic break) was to address the impact that experience had on my marriage. There was a point when my husband actually consented to go so I called and made an appointment, I then patiently waited the eight months it took to get in. A few days before we were scheduled to meet with the counselor, my father-in-law was hospitalized -- my husband had to go out of town. Any marital problems went into standby while he attended to his dying father and his own mourning. A few years later, when the bulk of that had been addressed, I felt it was time to refocus on the marriage but he was now back to the space of not wanting to go.

The solution that worked for us was... I created a blog that only he and I had access to. Into that space I dragged a number of articles primarily from (but not solely from) this site: marriagebuilders.com. There are likely other sites out there but I felt the structure that one offered could be borrowed on to help guide us through this process. Through the course of the week we were each obligated (and committed) to read the featured article and to write up our own response for the other to read. Once a week, we would sit down to discuss what we had learned about our marriage and each other.

Much to my relief, my husband warmed to the approach. For starters, he liked "this guy" (the founder of the marriage builders site) -- it may have made a difference that he was also male. Meantime, our "therapy" wasn't costing us hundreds of dollars, he didn't find it threatening, it introduced some valuable self-reflective time and it produced a beneficial result. My husband has stopped blaming me for having a breakdown; he no longer resents that he had to pick up the slack while I was incapable of being the parent and partner I had been; he understands now that my withdrawal from him was not personal -- it was very necessary for my own recovery. I've also stopped resenting him for not providing the same degree of emotional support that I was able to find from some of my closest friends; I've accepted that process was frightening and difficult for him; I understand his withdrawal from me; I've stopped resenting him for blaming and judging me; I've been able to see where he was offering the best support he was capable of giving -- we understand where the other was coming from.

That's one idea that might help you tackle your marital difficulties although it doesn't address the personal aspects that your husband brings to them. However, if he has a positive exposure to therapy he may be more open to pursue it for his own personal problems.

It's worth considering that to be a man in this world is not the equivalent of being a woman. This can be frustrating for the woman in a man's life because she wants to help him but may be mistaken in believing that what has been most helpful to her, will be most helpful to him. Women often respond well to "talk therapy" but men may have different ways of handling their emotions. Here's a site that also may be helpful to you and your husband: Men's Web