Hi Nate, welcome to pc. It sounds like life is very hard for you and I am sorry for that. I lost my parents 4 and a half years ago and I still miss them. But to lose your mom when you are 9 years old is devastating. Are you working, going to school? Even though you may not feel up to it, getting out in the world and finding good stuff to do may help. I hope you can find someone you can talk to whom you trust close by. Keep posting to us. This is a loving, caring community. You can always talk to us.