Yes, the thought is what does it matter at this point...I JUST WANT OUT.....but my heart even though I never loved him as a husband....wants to make sure that some care is put in place for him as he's digging his financial hole & he himself is NOT capable of handling himself. I realized that my engineering career kept going & I allowed him to do the credit thing rather than fight him......until I had to in order to get into a 2nd new home & get out of the home owner's association we first lived in.

But when my depression took over after I lost my engineering career....he had to take over paying the bills.....& it's obvious even now that he can't stop spending money on things he doesn't need or aren't necessities of life even though he now no longer has my income & he is on disability also.

I have a budget & when I need to live on beans & rice....or no food at all....I can do it.....just always make sure my dogs have food. I have cut my expenses, got my property taxes lowered, & my insurance lowered & my phone bill as low as it can go & still have a working smart phone (which now is costing me less than my stupid phone did a year ago). But he doesn't have the capability to make those kind of changes in his life even when I direct him to do them.....he's completely LOST in SPACE.....or in the way his mind doesn't work.

Honestly I was so angry at him for treating me the way he did for those 33 years.....I truly hated him. My life has been so much better since I left....I am actually realizing that I am a normal person....& that I was living with someone who wasn't....it wasn't ME that was the problem...but I thought that he was totally choosing to be a jerk & an idiot & abusive in so many ways.....until I realized that there IS a REASON. It doesn't make it OK....but I just know that it wasn't him intentionally HURTING ME....so in return....& for a divorce gift....I want to make sure that he is taken care of with a conservator....or someone who he has to answer to for the money he spends......he is very pathetic when I look at his situation from 2100 miles away....glad that I don't have to be any closer.....

I probably don't have to care & maybe there is a little bit of me involved in wanting the conservator because then it will be easier to handle the divorce.....& I need to get a $200 tax check cashed that has both our names on it....but it's my payment for all the work I did to save his rear for messing my in inheritance tax return (he didn't do it on purpose,,but it was another case of him knowing he knew what he was doing & instead of asking anyone....why would you ask when you know it all????

Just one more of his irritating traits that probably is just from his strangly put together mind. NOne of the other MI labels ever fit like this one does. He really is a very nice...naive person.......& does nice things because it's what you are supposed to do.......while the rest of his thinking so so broke in relating to others....that it's pretty much NON-existant.

I broke the ties between us years ago......but that's exactly when he totally fell apart & couldn't take care of himself.....then according to information, he has a older man living with him who can't take care of himself either & is a mental case.....but I can definitely try my best to get him the support & help that he desperately NEEDS as my parting gift.

He may not see it that way....but I don't care...it's what is in his best interest & that's what counts.