newtus i think u should think about doing something productive that makes you feel good like getting a volunteer position somewhere. there are ways to help yourself feel better u just have to go out and do those things. u dont have to sit at home alone every day. its hard to push urself to do things you dont wanna do but once you do them i bet ull feel better about ur self and ur situation , i know if i just sat at home all day by myself i would be suicidal too.