Not sure if this is the right place to put this.

My question is simple: How do I stop being an emotional nutcase?

I have a very good male friend, we are extremely close friends. We do love each other, but have admitted that we are better off being friends for various reasons. Now I have accepted this fully...or so I thought.

I guess somewhere in my stupid mind is a hope that one day we can be more. We will be having a normal conversation and he will say something unintentionally that will remind me that friends is all we are....and I lose it. I get very emotional, and when I do, I either cry or get angry and shut down. Now, he has accepted that friends is all we will ever be and he gets confused and hurt when I do this. He never knows what he has done wrong and of course, then I feel bad and guilty for hurting him, which just makes my mood worse. He has been extremely patient with these stupid moods of mine but I'm at my wits end with them.

Last night, we were having a normal conversation and he said something about his ideal womans body (large breasts)....which is the exact opposite of mine. It felt like a knife through my heart and I was devastated. I took it as a personal insult, which I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it still hurt so much. It made me feel like I am not good enough. SO of course, I started a huge fight and the poor guy was so confused. All he did was share some info about himself as he normally would and I totally over reacted.

I hate how I do this, but I don't know how to stop. I am such a bad friend and he has been so good to me, which makes me feel even more guilty and hate myself more. I don't like me, I know he would be much better off without me around, I am so worthless. I feel like such a loser. I hate me, I wouldn't want a friend like me.

I want to stop this emotional rollercoaster and just enjoy being with him. I want to be as good a friend to him as he has been to me.