Hi newgal2, I know exactly what you mean about the loneliness. When I'm with other people I feel like I need to put on a good face and be happy, but then when i'm alone I fall apart and cry, and wish I had the people I love the most with me. That need to be with people, to reach out, is contradicted by my constant fear of driving people away and so when I feel my worst I tend to strongly resist getting in touch with people who care about me because I don't want to drive them away or let them down or even just annoy them. Sad, needy people are a drag and I don't want to be the sad, lonely drag but then I pine for the human connection with my family and friends, which just compounds the sadness and loneliness. Depression sucks. I am glad your husband is supportive as much as he can be, and I hope you find a way out of this bout with depression soon. Feeling very much in the same boat here.