((ShaggyChic)),

"Can't see beyond the pain" is a really good description of the struggle with PTSD. I struggle with it myself so I understand the challenge "intimately". When I get triggered and start to experience a PTSD cycle of pain and confusion, yes, I have come to realize how important it is to be patient, to find a way to talk it out, and have another person that can give me feedback that validates my struggle, yet also gives me some things to think about that doesn't patronize me or lead to that "just" ignore or not dwell kind of answer. PTSD is a big challenge to the person who struggles with it, as you know it tends to keep the person trapped in their own mind and confused, yet want to so badly find answers and support rather then getting the common answers of "just ignore and forget it". In the healing, it is important to "learn" things and for the person who is struggling to have the ability to talk about the challenges they suffered through that led to their developing the disorder. Because the average person doesn't understand it and that it really is a big challenge, reaching out for help isn't so easy, because in order to get
the right help, a sufferer has to reach out to people who "do" understand it and "can" offer the right kind of support.

Unfortunately, GirlofManyFaces is surrounded by people who don't know how to help her and I know first hand how that can aggravate the PTSD even more. What saddens me is that I see this taking place with "most" of the members that come here struggling and as I have mentioned I can include myself in that challenge too. It was so bad for me that I got so I had very dark and dangerous cycles and I came close to not being here to be honest. I don't want someone else to have that happen, it's not right and it doesn't have to happen, a person suffering truly deserves help and "can" get past the point where they feel so disconnected they struggle to function at all. Yes, I was there myself, so I know it well.

I try very hard to reach out to different members, I try to listen and see where they are and what their environment is like too. I try to do my best to validate and offer some thoughts that would have helped me when I was alone suffering with no help and surrounded by people who were only making me worse. I know it is a big relief when another person is able to step up to the plate and be validating and caring and "knowing"instead of "dismissive" as so many tend to be because they genuinely do not know anything about PTSD and tend to do and say all the wrong things.

We can all talk about the "symptoms" of PTSD and how crippling they can be. However, what is important to the "healing" is not just the symptoms, but what "triggers" these symptoms to take place in each individual, because it isn't always the same for each person. What is the same is that someone was traumatized or abused in some way and the person didn't know how to fix it or change the situation that person was in somehow. It "never" means it was their fault or that the person was in any way unworthy or dumb. What I have learned in my own challenge is that what the reality was it that it was not me or my fault but instead the "inability or knowledge in the other people around me". The "truth" is, that there are "many" people on that golf course that are dressed the part and "look" like they know what to do and how to play, BUT THEY REALLY DON'T. That is never the person who is struggling's fault.

If any one of us in this forum struggling takes some time to sit back and listen to what is taking place in this site alone, the truth is A LOT OF PEOPLE STRUGGLE and have no idea what the game is really all about, and they tend to BLAME THEMSELVES which is the wrong thing to do.

I have been in situations where "neglect and abuse" was taking place and people ignored it and chose to do their best to put up with it "to get along" somehow or find a way around it as long as "they got theirs". I do not do that, I am the one who stands up and says something about it and when I do that "I" am not very popular. However, because people do know this about me, if they see something taking place that makes them uncomfortable, they find a way to say something to me about it so I get mad and DO THE DIRTY WORK so others can stay in that social situation without CREATING WAVES or being targeted for having the courage to SPEAK UP.

For example, I was in a situation where a person was severely neglecting their children. Others around me chose to ignore it because if they did say something it would have compromised the things they were getting out of that environment. I was the ONLY ONE to distance myself and DO THE RIGHT THING. To my surprise these other people did not say or do anything to support me, and some of them supported the person who was severely neglecting their children, and it really surprised me "who" these people where too. I did the right thing by drawing attention to it where people would observe it and take the appropriate actions. However, I became a target for anger and resentment where horrible gossip was spread about me that was all totally false. And sadly, some people chose to believe that gossip and I have to say that it came out in the lawsuit that I am involved in where another negligent person's actions greatly damaged things I worked so hard for significantly.

The one thing I have learned in my effort to seek justice is how people choose to distance and not get involved and support the "victim". In fact the opposing side knows this takes place and they count on it for winning their case too. They already know that people are afraid to become a witness because it means they themselves will be investigated to where who they are and their past will be scrutinized. This is REAL and it has been something that I never expected to experience and learn about this way in my life EVER. I even was stuck with a lawyer who was incompetent and I tried to reach out for help with that too, NO ONE WANTED TO GET INVOLVED with that either. And trying to find a lawyer to help me with a malpractice suit? That has proven to be just as hard because first, there are very "few" lawyers that will do that, and second they have to see that it will be profitable for them to engage in it too.

Dealing with my situation and also struggling with PTSD too, has been "HELL". Yesterday, I was thinking about how many different scenario's I experienced with people who "avoid the truth so much and RUN" and WOULD RATHER LIVE IN DENIAL. Its WRONG. I want to find a way to EXPOSE ALL OF THEM because of how THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE EXPOSED and SHAMED. What I really want is to haul them ALL INTO COURT and be PUT ON THE STAND, SO I CAN EXPOSE THEM FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE. And the answer I keep getting is that I can't do that and it would bring down holy hell on me and that I could lose everything.

In 2006 I had a colonoscopy and during the procedure my spleen with struck and I began to bleed internally. I went through HELL because NO ONE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT with me and even tried to DENY IT and BLAME ME. I sat across from a man that refused to discuss it and insisted that I must have been in a car accident. I also tried to get legal help and found that unless I had some kind of permanent damage they were not interested in my case. I could not even find a lawyer to help me at least get what I deserved, TO SEE THE IMAGES OF MY INJURY AND HAVE IT EXPLAINED TO ME. I finally pushed my way into insisting my GP see me and that is when I finally learned that the reason no one would help me is BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL AFRAID OF BEING HELD LIABLE and NO DOCTOR WANTS ANYTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENING BECAUSE IT WILL JEOPARDIZE THEIR LIABILITY INSURANCE, and they don't want that cost to go up, because ANYTHING that happens can create their insurance company to raise their premiums or even worse, decide not to cover them and without insurance they can't practice. Our doctors work in "fear" now, they genuinely CAN'T AFFORD TO BE HONEST and consider the patient's needs FIRST AND FORMOST.

Well, I didn't mean to get long winded here. However, what I will say is that what I have found is that many people devote more time "distancing" and living their lives in "denial" too. When someone struggles with PTSD, it really is not their fault and I can't say enough that while it is such a challenge, it is important to look for the support YOU DESERVE to have because there "are" people out there that "do" know that and can help. Keep in mind that when you make that effort and commit to healing, even when it is a challenge, you WILL make gains and as you do so you will be another person who will understand it better and be able to reach out to someone else who also deserves to have the help they need too. Yes, there are a lot of people on that golf course that really don't know how to play, the only ones that will change that are those of us who struggle because of it, work at healing and learning and then speaking up more.

Something to think about.....

OE