and I've decided I'm going to spend the majority of the rest of my life in bed. Since I'm so scared to be anywhere else and since it hurts to sit up, that's where I'll be staying, sound asleep.

Besides my chances of running into a certain pervert up there are reduced to zero. I confront him tomorrow, not looking forward for it. At which point I go back into hiding.

I can't win. I'm abnormal. I'll always be that way and I can't change it. I shouldn't have tried and raised a bunch of hopes up, including my own.

I've weighed Doug down with my last depressing e-mail. He'll just be getting jokes and psalms after this. He thinks I want to stay like this ( I don't), but I don't know how to beat this thing. It's been entrenched too long.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.