I feel like a serial mistress. Friday night I went out with a married guy, then we got into his car. He does things no other man has but I know he is not telling me the truth about himself.

So last night I met the other guy I have been talking with for over a year an a half. We met in a secluded spot and got in my car.

I did not have actual sex this weekend with either of them. I feel horrible right now. The second guy I kind of like but the first one is just turning me off even though I know how good hotel visits would be with him.

When I search for single men I feel even worse. I can't deal with this anymore. I know I have really low self esteem. I hate my life, family, work, etc.

I cried in the car on the way home from meeting the second guy last night. I had a feeling that it was over. I have no one to count on in my life, no support, kids that hate me. evil relatives. friends that lie all the time. I just want to die.