Hi ToeJam, it must be really uncomfortable having your wife almost taking over/giving you no options/control especially when you probably want to feel in control of everything so much??? But sometimes it can be so hard to think of what might be best for yourself, especially when the depression is "flooring you" and telling you so convincingly everything you don't want to be thinking/feeling. You know depression can be so deceiving and overwhelming.
So perhaps give yourself a break?? You've struggled so much with all of this, so just a breather, and let her worry about it/you/what's best for you for just a short while??? You've already been through/handled enough.
And even if you hate her just a little (??) right now for taking away your power to decide what you're going to tell who, perhaps look forward to where you may thank her just a little for taking the weight off what you're going to tell who.
And you know you can still be in control of things whatever, it's you who really is showing the strength in battling these urges, without that strength........it's just maybe you might (for now) need a little more help with them. And nothing at all wrong with that!!!
Alison