Hi Ardos,

I'm sorry to hear that you are being taken advantage of because of your kind and generous nature. I had fallen into that trap myself and it can be very soul sucking.

The first thing I had to do to get out of that mindset was to understand that I am not a bank. I have to provide for myself first before I can help another, otherwise I end up in the same situation as the person asking for help. That would not be good.

One of the other things I learned is that help doesn't always have to be monetary (and probably shouldn't be!). Help can be in the form of getting information for someone so that THEY can look into it. It can be phone numbers for agencies that offer a helping hand. It can be a list of churches that will help. If you have the ability to research online for things, print out stuff and hand it to your "friend".

The next thing I had to learn, and this is probably the hardest thing, was to say "no". I can almost guarantee you that the problems this man had before he met you are the same problems he will have after you say no, but he'll find another way to get his needs met, one way or another. It's what he has learned to do instead of standing on his own two feet and finding the help he needs or sucking it up and looking for work (if he's able).

It sounds to me like this man is truly not your "friend" but he definitely is a "leach". He's great at finding the easy way to meet his needs without putting in the effort that we have to in order to survive.

Strip yourself of the leach.....if he continues to be a friend when you put a stop to the $$, then that's great. If he backs away and you don't hear from him, then you know he was only using you.

As far as getting any money back, don't hold your breath. You probably won't see a dime of it. But, you have options. You can take him to small claims court, but even if you win, you may not collect anything from him, he will just have a judgement against him. The other option is to realize that you helped him out of the kindness of your heart, you found out he's taking advantage of you, you put a stop to it for your own survival and you have to write it off as a learning experience.

You have every right to put an end to the "open bank" with your friend. He probably won't take kindly to it and may even express some anger, but it's truly his problem, not yours. I'm not saying this to be mean or disrespectful to anyone. I'm saying all this from experience. I've learned never to loan or give more money than I can afford to loose. If I get it back, that's great, but if I don't, well I did it out of kindness and someday it will come back to me tenfold.

Take care of yourself!


sabby