Hi TJ, if your T is going to be giving you the impression that she thinks: "and it could look out of the blue... look stupid... look pathetic... like I'm making **** up for attention.... " then you definitely don't want her as your T. So maybe give her a chance, be straight up with her and tell her all the things you've been feeling and see where it goes??
She should be able to give you empathy, understanding, support..........And even if you haven't been straight up all the way along with her (and I'm sure she'll have found/understood that a lot of "clients" aren't able to do that!!) then this can just be a new beginning to giving you the real support you need.
And besides that therapy can be an ongoing process of opening up anyway, it can sometimes be natural that as trust/the relationship develops more of the reality of situations is going to show. So don't "beat yourself up" about what you have/haven't/do/will tell her just try to seize the opportunity of her being there in her role to help you and "let it out".
None of it is about "weakness", it's all about depression and what you've been through and you deserve help with that.
Alison