I have a problem with trying to protect my therapists and put them on pedastels or in bubbles so I can't soil or corrupt them with the darkness inside me. The one I see the most is the only person in the world that even knows me....but because I regard him so highly, that sometimes I don't trust that he really sees the bad parts or even sees me as a female. I am extremely honest and even blunt with him, but he still seems to like me. It confuses me to no end.

But when he can't hear me or understand the images my head, I get so afraid.
Like, do you remember the story of the Velveteen Rabbit? I was crying the other day and telling him I was going to die with all my fur on. He didn't get it.
I was terrified of the image and lonliness, but in the same second, glad that the darkness inside me was out of his reach, and he stayed 'pure'...but does thid mean that his view of me is different than a regular human male? Does this make any sense?

Or like when a female therapist I sometimes see (in my mind she is unicorn, strong, mystical female) does things in group therapy with anger or her body, it makes me feel disconnected and dirty...and sends me into a tailspin of unresolved feelings...

Please tell me you understand what I'm talking about and what I'm doing so wrong?

WB