You have done nothing at all to deserve pain and depression. I too sometimes feel guilty for feeling so bad like it is my fault. It's hard to feel good about yourself too when you have weight gain. Hey, you lost 5 pounds. The weight gain sounds like edema, not eating. The only thing I know to suggest is to contact your doc and see if he can increase or change your meds. However, if you have just started new meds it takes a while for them to build up in your system. The one and only bright spot in my week was going to church this morning. There is love and joy at church. I hope and pray things improve for you. Hang in there. We love you.