Hi Nolafeline.....
Yep, I totally feel your pain and deal with it weekly, daily and often hourly or even minute to minute.

I know I'm trying very hard, but like others have said, not being able to do basic hygiene or leave the house or be what I used to be just creates more shame spirals. Try to make a real 'toolbox' or list of things to try when you get that low...it is easy to forget when you are in that space...reward yourself with guilt free me time or a hot bath or something that you enjoy when you have tried and succeeded against the depression....and get some of it out through journals, sketches, therapy, exercise, whatever works. The more you hold inside, the more confusing and overlapping it gets.

I think it is very clear from every post here that you are deinitely not alone and we feel your pain...hope you keep posting..be kind to yourself.

-WB