I'm 20 years old and I've had depression, anxiety, social anxiety and self esteem issues for 6 years. I used to enjoy things and have dreams and aspirations. I don't have any friends, I don't know how to talk to people my age or in general. I've never had a boyfriend. I'm unemployed and not in school. I think those are my triggers. I've always had anxiety attacks throughout the years but a few weeks ago, I started getting really anxious and this week I had a major anxiety attack and now I feel severely depressed. I can't eat and I don't feel like doing anything. I was also on my period this week and I don't if that had anything to do with it. I just keep thinking and thinking about old age, death and my existence and I get extremely scared. I've never gotten any therapy or medication for this. I feel so hopeless. I can't cry. All I feel is sadness and those reoccurring thoughts. I need help. I want to feel alive and be okay again. But I don't know how I'm so desperate. I just need to talk to someone. I'm so tired. All I want to do is sleep. I want to be happy. I feel like this will never end? Like I'll feel like this forever. I'm also really scared of taking medication and getting addicted and overdosing and dying. I'm in my room right now alone and my whole family is outside eating pizza and watching a movie and talking. I feel this desperation. Like I want run out but I also feel scared. Is there any over the counter medicine that can calm me down that I can take in the mean time because its gonna take a long time to get an appointment with a therapist. I don't want to feel this anymore.

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