Thanks everyone - i'm trying to treat this as a learning experience. I'm now through the worst of the detox (and hope to never see that particular detox center again) but I'm still tapering off the valium so my brain is kind of fuzzy.

I had a really hard session in my treeatment centre this week - if you relapse you have to process through it with a psychologist in front of a group and it was really hard to admit that part of the reason (ok a major part)) of the reason that I drink is that I don't like myself & I just need to numb out those feelings. I think I also really need to do a step 4 because I realized how many old resentments I'm still carrying around.

Oh and I wouldn't recommend drinking while on Antabuse. I got really flushed, mmy heart started racing and I threw up a couple of times. I didn't get sick enough to make me stop drinking which just proves how insane the disease is, so we've doubled my dose of the antabuse as a hopefully more potent deterent in the future.

For now, I'm just grateful that they're letting me continue on in the treatment centre - they don't always if you relapse so I'm feeling really lucky that I'll have that continued support as well as AA.

My sponsor has also been really supportive through this whole thing,

---splitimage