My ex and I broke up in December, 2012 and have had no contact since then (I'd send him the random email or text but never got - or expected - an answer except once in June 2013 when he told me he had a new girlfriend). Well, I sent one of those random "hope you're doing well" texts at the end of March and actually got a reply. He'd broken up with his girlfriend a few weeks prior (he'd told me he wouldn't talk to me while he was with her which I respected) and so we began talking every day and even hung out a few times.

Well three days after we last hung out (April 22nd), he suddenly stopped speaking to me. Since then, he would sporadically reply but definitely nothing consistent and definitely not every day like he used to. I will admit I over-did it with texting him but mostly just asking if he was ok (I had a friend die in a car accident on their way home from dropping me off at my house and I don't do well with people not responding - he knows this).

One of his excuses was his phone was crap and since then he's gotten a new one. However, he either changed his number OR completely blocked my number! Which he didn't even do when we broke up. He's never done this before and I've literally found myself in the same black hole I was in right before I tried to kill myself for the 2nd time 3 years ago.

This silent treatment and blocking me and ignoring me is literally out of nowhere. We didn't have an argument or a fight or a disagreement. He's not seeing anyone (and if he was, why not tell me like he did last time?). The last "normal" text I got from him was a winking smiley face and how he was about to go home after getting off work. The blocking me or changing his number thing is especially hurtful considering he didn't do that when we broke up nor did he do that to his most recent ex who broke into his apartment and broke some of his stuff.

I've sent him a few emails but got no replies. He's read my messages on Facebook but nothing there, either. I'm doing my best to NOT message him in the hopes that he just needs some space (he did tell me life was stressful at the moment but still..) but the fact that it's been almost a month of this with no explanation is literally killing me.

I cry at least three times a day - broken down, on the floor, sobbing. I'd rather someone tell me to "eff off" than ignore me like this.. and I've NEVER had anyone block my number before. I don't have any friends and since I'm on disability, I don't have a job either to help pass the time. The fact that this could be the last memories we have of each other is also very hard for me to try and accept.

Like I said, my hope is that he just needs space and this will resolve itself somehow but it's hard for me to really be hopeful about anything anymore. It's like every time something good happens, it's just stolen from me and leaves me in an even worse place than before.

I can't accept the fact that I waited a year and a half and this is how it ends. I just can't do it. It's been extremely hard for me to not hurt myself or just give up entirely because this really just feels like the last straw for me in a series of awful events that makes me just not want to be here anymore.