Since starting this site I have mainly been going to the substance abuse forum, medication forum and newbie forum. I felt like I did not have the energy to deal with the depression and I really did not want to talk about it. Well...I am depressed. Not just down in the dumps--really depressed. I am struggling to get out of bed, struggling at work...not much seems to be going my way right now. I am taking my meds, journaling, going to therapy...trying to eat right...I am frustrated to find myself right down in the bottom of the barrel once again. Screw me, this means I will probably have yet another med change. I hate going through med changes. I hate doing all the crap I have to do to stay healthy. I am tired of all this. I am tired of the meds. I am tired of the therapy. Heck, I think I am even tired of the sleeping--thats about all I ever do--sleep. I'd like to have a "do-over" in life--roll the dice and see if I can come up with something better. And then I kick myself because I really should feel grateful for all I have and the progress I have made in my life...I don't feel grateful. I am pissed off I have depression, PTSD, anxiety, alcohol and drug addiction...my life as a child was a nightmare and it seems like I am always going to be paying for it. I just want to be normal.