I have a tendency to abuse my anxiety meds as well...
I know it's wrong, and I know it's dangerous, but I feel I have an addictive personality, and my mindset when I fill a new scrip is "Well, I can feel okay for a whole month, or I can feel REALLY good for a few days", and since I only ever think one day at a time, I usually wind up making a bad decision.

I don't know what its going to come down to, but I know that in the case with my Adderall prescription, it took an overdose and a serious reality check (after almost 3 years of abuse) to clean.

I wish you the best of luck.