Part of depression is having these negative thoughts inside your head, and for me, having those thoughts spiraling out of control. But, for years I have been told that I am negative by one person or another even if I am not going through a major depressive episode.

I remember in college the first time someone referred to me as a perpetual complainer. I had no idea and made a concerted effort to stop. Maybe my classmates were all too polite to say something before until someone actually did.

But now, I am thinking back to three people in my life who told me I am negative. These were all men I was dating at the time, and if I had to line up all the guys I dated according to ego size, they would be number 1,2, and 3. I say this, because I don't think I am a negative person and I am wondering that people with higher than normal self-esteem need people to keep "pumping them up." It really bothers me that these people said I am a negative person when I am perpetually fighting my disease.

I think at times I verbalize my hopeless outlook; other times I know I am "no nonsense" and some times I can have a lot of hatred. But, my question is, isn't that normal? I feel I am unfairly accused of displaying emotions which are normal. If I am having a tough day, I hate it when my family asks, "did you take your medication today?" because apparently being sad, hopeless, or angry is a sign of mental illness.

I cannot edit my life to satisfy other people. Especially since I am forced to spend about 40 hours a week with the most negative and hateful person I have ever met in my life (my officemate).

I hope this post sounds coherent, but I am having a really tough day...so it might sound like I am rambling.