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But I think this might be the right one.
Dear Madame T,
Thank you for your replies to my earlier communications.
I have tried to keep my letters brief, infrequent and civil, as I am aware that I have no formal claim on your time. I have therefore not expressed the depth of my grief and anger.
I have often felt I wanted to see you again, but the moment I decided to do something, my many grievances just came flooding back. If I were to see you, we’d just be right back where we left off, rehashing all the old arguments, and what’s the point of that? I felt that by the end you weren’t even listening any more. When I told you what I wanted, you wrote it off as an ultimatum. When I told you what I thought, you wrote it off as a sound bite. It doesn’t look like we have a future.
And yet…
I still feel you are my last, best chance to resolve the issues I had with my mother. The transference is so total that I have forgiven my mother and have issues only with you, but I figure it’s still the same thing as far as my subconscious is concerned. This is a magnificent, irreplaceable opportunity for me if only I knew how to use it. But I don’t.
Do you have a plan, or at least an idea about how we could continue? Business as usual will emphatically not do. I tried my best for nearly ten years, I really did. The one thing I am sure of is that something has to change between us, and that you will have to change tactics. The ultimate aim is for me to change, but you have to help me, and what might have worked in the past will not get us past this blockage. We need something new, or the case is hopeless.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Love,
CE
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Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.
Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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