Weird this morning, thoughts are there and lurking under the surface… but on the exterior, I am functioning… doing my work and communicating well with others. Keep wanting to nip to the toilets to do something (not die, but self harm) but I can’t let anything be visible so just tingling, feeling numb and just ‘doing’.

Should be racked with anxiety, lost my bank card this morning and that would usually send me into massive panic… but I just don’t care. Might show up tonight when I get home (pretty scatty and I lose crap all the time), might be stolen… if the former, great… if the latter, just more reason to feel the way I do.

If I can’t find it, I’ll just cancel the card tonight.

I acknowledge that I've been badly triggered from last week... that stuff has taken a bit of a nose dive... but really apathetic about it right now, not really thinking about helping myself or being kind to myself. Insight but no will to apply it.