I'm jillyan I'm 20 years years old and I've diagnosed myself with boarderline. My therapist said it was too early to tell, my psychiatrist said it's possible but I haven't been officially diagnosed. I feel so alone and afraid. Everyone is scared of me. People push me away so much. I don't know who I can trust but I'm so desperate for love attention and affection I will open up to anyone who will listen. But no one wants to deal with me. One therapist told me I needed to go to an eating disrobe treatment center or else she couldn't see me anymore. I gave her a hard time about it but I eventually admitted myself. But she left me anyways because I was too clingy and she couldn't handle my emotions. I got kicked out of the program because I'm not allowed to call staff on the weekends and I did because I needed help with my meal plan. And apparently they don't owe me any sort of warning or anything they just feel creeped out by me calling and being so attached to the dietician they just want me out as soon as possible. So now I have my therapist who doesn't do anything but talk to me. And my psychiatrist who does nothing but talk about physical symptoms and meds. I have cheer team full of girls who are uncomfortable, afraid, offended, angry and skeptical of me. I have my sister and 2 cousins who are all my best friends but I don't feel comfortable talking with either of them about my issues. I'm just scared of myself and I don't know what to so with my self. I'm scared of everything. Mostly failure. I want to be invisible. I don't want to die I just don't want to do life anymore. Someone please talk to me. Be my friend. Help me. Please. :'(