I have always been like this though, it's just kicking me in the *** right now because I am realizing there is no hope for me. I live with my retired parents because I cannot function on my own. They don't care about me being miserable and depressed. They just leave me alone to wallow. We don't speak the same language so communicating has always been difficult.

For Christ's Sake, I am turning 29 and feel like I am 10. I don't understand why my brain just doesn't allow me to want to live life. I tried living with ex-boyfriend, but I lost it on him because I was miserable and depressed, the same with my ex-roommate. They are both happy people they couldn't stand to be around me because of how miserable, angry and depressed I was. The same with work, I just left and went on a leave for five months to hide in my room under my blanket. I hate everything. I have always hated everything.

It's so bloody difficult for me to live. I don't understand why I am so apathetic. So morbidly negative and dead. This is so ****ed up.