Hi hedgehog
Only a qualified Dr. can tell you if you have social phobia, but from what you describe , it sounds possible. I can relate to prefering to talk with one person at a time. More than that and I become the wallflower. Even with people I'm familiar with. Since I started taking zoloft 5 weeks ago though, I am feeling better. Also, my classes require that I particpate in group projects, and I've forced myself to be more involved. But I hate the wallflower feeling, so, like you, I avoid situations that might create it. There's nothing wrong with solitude. I enjoy it quite a bit. Lonliness on the other hand....... Coming here and making friends has helped a whole lot. At first, it's like any other social situation, wondering how you fit in, but before long, I developed some confidence and that has even helped me in my everyday life.
Believe me when I say I understand. Life has been no picnic for me either. I've been working on this since I was 15. I wasn't born shy. I used to be very outgoing and popular. The pain of knowing that only adds to my current pain. It doesn't happen overnight, and it isn't easy. I've adjusted many of my wants and needs to find comfort. In my experience, while it's true for many other things, meeting your fears head on in this case does not help. It only intensifies the fears. I, as you mentioned, have learned to be a home body. It's what I must do to take care of myself. Sure, I still go out on occasion, but those occasions are few. I don't feel cheated by this. When I want to go, I go, but if I want to stay home all day and read, or cyber, or work on the yard, or sip some tea on the patio, then that's what I do, and I find a lot of pleasure in it.
As I've told others, believing in yourself is key. When you have that, very little will shake you. Know in your heart and mind who you are, what you intend, then, if no one else understands, that's their problem.
I can also relate to the chasing after others. It got to where I tracked who called who last and who's turn it was to call. When I didn't get a call on their turn, I assumed it was because they didn't like me. I spent a lot of time depressed. Others aren't thinking on that level. To them, they call when they feel like it. Because of our introversion, which is due to the phobia, we don't stand out like others do. It's a fact, and the sooner we accept it, the better. It's no reflection on the quality of person we are, only a statement of our appearance to others. Many of the people I was sure didn't like me, actually did, but, some people, or many people, at the younger ages, prefer a more energy driven personality, someone spontaneous, with bursting laughter. Because I was depressed, introverted, withdrawn, I was often overlooked on the phone list. It hurt. It depressed me more. It made me withdraw more. But, it didn't mean I was an awful person, not worthy of the air I breathed; I wasn't a creep or any of the many other things I told myself at the time. If you can, avoid lying to youself about your worthlessness. I know it's hard when you see so mnay so called signs. Do something each day to help another. Volunteer or help a little old lady across the street. Knowing to yourself that you are a good part of society, regardless of what society thinks will help a lot.
Right now, you are in a social environment with high energy. It seems the whole world to you. But it is not. One day you will graduate and suddenly, you perception of your surroundings will change. People will look for and expect maturity from you. (not saying youre immature) You will be expected to behave and respond as an adult. Those who love and enjoy the high night life will find the adjustment very difficult, if they succeed at all. Because of our introversion, ability to look deeper, serious approach, we actually have an advantage in the professional arena. Many of the social life distractions are missing. I confess to a social phobia, but I excel in a professional environment. Now that I'm older and the pressure of needing the social circle is diminished, I can appreciate a good wage and promotion.
Some "friends" are actually detriments. They borrow money, talk behind our backs, steal from us, lie to us, come home late and drunk, get DUI's, have to go to court or jail, manipulate, the list goes on and on.... being popular has it's price too. Part of the reason I tend to myself is because of not agreeing with what I see happening around me. Not wanting to be a part of it. Society is as healthy as the individuals that comprise it. They are many things in our society I can criticize. Since I can't go with the flow, I avoid the stream all together. And yes, I do feel happier for it. That may sound high and mighty. But I've avoided many of the stresses others cant seem to. Stress kills.
Well, once again I've gone on longer than I should. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one, others can relate, and things will get better.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius