I don't know what the issues is, what caused these feelings against your BF that you speak about. But I can relate. I have some skeletons in my closet as well, and if I told my parents some of the things that have happened to me because of my H they would not be very pleased that is for sure. Disown me they would not but make my life very unhappy just simply due to their disapproval it would be. So I do understand where you are coming from.

I don't have any advice for you. I don't have any great words of wisdom. Just know that you are not alone in this. There are others in similar situations. I hope yours improves soon. I do know how you feel. I am 40 and should not be worried about what my parents and relatives will think but I do. That can't be changed. I do worry about what they will think, simply put.

Do you by any chance have a T. It sounds like you may things that need to be worked on. The people pleasing and passive aggressiveness are things that are hard to overcome on your own. A therapist can help you become less of a people pleaser and have an improved since of self as well as help deal with your parents. Just a thought.