Well, end of last week, over the weekend and part of today, I have been a mess. Massive spiral down and for that I can only apologise.

My wife had text my T today and basically filled her in on a lot of stuff that I didn’t even mention here… she (my wife) was worried and I was not being very co-operative… I didn’t want to talk about what had happened with my T at all… was basically in apathy and self hate mode.

Saw her tonight and she pretty much rushed me into her office… (said later that I had looked grey and vacant)… she didn’t judge me, she just asked me to talk and I found it hard at the beginning…. And then just burst into tears.

She wanted me to tell what I think the triggers had been and I went over what had been a horrible week… anniversary of my dad’s death, money issues and then a frank and honest chat with my GP that I think pretty much just set things in motion. Not blaming him for it, I think he’s a great doctor… but I came to the conclusion that I was beyond help… and thus the spiral really kicked in to the mess that is my other recent thread.

She went over some grounding exercise with me for a good 10 minutes and… I can’t explain it…. Things just seemed to lift.

I’ve made a pact with her that I will do my best to hold on and to give her the summer… I said I’d try and she replied that that was good enough. Got a three week break due to bank holidays… but, she has told me that she expects an email at least once a week (I’ve never emailed her before).

In addition to that…. And this got me crying again She has said that she wants to see me once a week… and, she has halfed the cost for each session… was so overwhealmed, even now I’m getting bit choked… It’s been such a struggle to afford private, and for her to do something like that, well… yeah, was just so nice of her.

There was so much piled into that one hour…. That I’m finding it hard to recall at the moment, still a bit emotionally raw…. But, was a god send…. And to think I almost didn’t show up.

Wanted to let you guys know…. And thank you to those posted support, suggestions… also those who pm’d me, chatted to me in the chat bar… yeah, means so much and I can’t thank you enough