I know exactly what you mean and I am struggling with deciding whether or not I want to start going to therapy again, because I've been going since I was a child (different therapists throughout my life) and it always has been such a waste of time because I just shut down. I also put up a good front, and I think if only people could see me when I'm at my worst then they would understand, but I hide my problems the best I can as a defense mechanism also. Wish I had some advice for you, but all I can say is you're not alone...