You are in a bad place, I'm there too, along with so many others. I have found PC makes it a less lonely and scary place, and so many times I've read a post and thought "me too". When I arrived at PC I was doubting that I was truly depressed (as in an illness) and was starting to believe that it was all down to an inadequate personality. Now I feel more certain that I am depressed because of reading about how depression affects others. Hopefully, being here is the start of your path to recovery.