I know. And I really understand. Check out my latest posts in the Dear T thread for a story about a mentor of mine who recently sent me an email that ripped my heart open again. I can't get in contact with him because it's bad for me. It does things to me, and although there were a lot of good things about our relationship, there were a lot of bad. And to save my sanity, I can't be around him more than occasionally, or all the old transference feelings will all come back and overwhelm me again. It's extremely painful, but it's better for me to not tango with someone who can't handle those feelings.