Why is it so damned hard to follow your own good advice??? What the hell is up with that????

I certainly know what I need to do to help myself, but I just can't seem to pull it all together and do just that. I mean, it's not that I don't think I deserve it. But I just can't figure out what is stopping me from doing what needs to be done to work through this crappy depressive existance.

I have always had a giving nature. I do what I can to help folks here and IRL. I receive a thousand times more than I give. It warms my heart and soul....but for some stupid reason, it isn't enough to get me off my arse to help myself.

I'm so very sad deep inside. I'm extremely lonely and I miss my husband more than words can express. As humans, we need another's touch....there is no one here to touch me, to hug me when I'm feeling low or even when I'm feeling good. It almost feels like I can't take care of myself and that scares me to death.

It's not as if I don't like myself. Of course there are things I am working on to change, but that's life and growing and learning. I am a work in progress and the key word is progress! I like myself now more than I ever have in life. I just don't understand what it is I feel I'm missing (aside from the love of my life).

If anyone has some constructive suggestions for me, I'm all ears (well now wouldn't I look funny being all ears *sheesh*) but you know what I mean...LOL.

I'm at my wits end trying to figure out what the hell it is I think I need. It's putting me deeper into this depression and I cannot allow that to happen!!

HELP!! Please!!!