You are taking good care of yourself Sabaru, that's why you're here and trying to find answers, etc. I think you partially answered your question when you noted there is no one "here" to hug or "care" for you, etc. Were I you, I'd try to get out, volunteer or meet with friends and others, get other relationships going to help fill some of the physical void from the loss of your husband? I didn't truly understand about physical touch until one morning my aged, senile, stepmother had trouble getting up/out of bed so I climbed in with her and started rubbing her back and remembered when I was a child and she rubbed mine and would dry me after my bath, etc. and the true meaning of needing touch cradle to grave hit me and I was so glad I could be there enjoying giving my mother a backrub and know she was enjoying it to.

I make it a priority to hug friends and shake hands with people I meet and take change from clerks such that our hands are allowed to touch a bit instead of worrying so much about keeping my distance and being so "hygenic." I try to meet the eyes of people I pass walking and every day a neighbor's elderly dog, "Houston" now comes to my yard/door because I was kind and patted him once so now when I realize he's there I come out and rub him and chat with my neighbor (whose name I don't remember, haven't lived her very long or come in contact with her enough to remember, YET :-) and just try to talk to others and interact a bit. I think interaction and having others in our lives is a key to feeling less depressed.