Lillybird, I am so sorry you are going through this. Your words resonate with me, it sounds as if I had written them myself. In fact I felt this exact same way hardly 30 minutes ago.

I hope you are doing alright. Do you have a person you trust that you can talk to about this? We are here for you whether you do, or don't. Do you have a blog or diary where you can write these thoughts and feelings down, and get them out of your head? It might help a little

You have so much importance, please do not hurt yourself. Stay safe