I can certainly relate to that. Self-soothing was not aloud as a child in my house. No pacifier, thumb, blankie... The inner child talk did not sit well with me. When I was in therapy I would often tell my therapist I wanted to be a grown up in her office. She said I could, but it kept coming in as a wounded child. One day I did come in very adult, and that's when I started my avoidance phase in therapy. It was not pretty, just very lonely. I didn't need or want anything or anyone else. I was an island unto myself. The kid stuff was all very shaming for a while. Now, that I understand it it is very seldom embarrassing. The adult you will eventually be able to take care of her. And it sounds like your son's teddybear is a good start.