Sleeping with the teddy bear makes perfect sense, I have what I call a hug pillow myself that I have slept with for years. There is nothing wrong with finding something like that to comfort while sleeping, a lot of people like to clutch onto something while they sleep, even animals have similar ways of doing that too. Dogs like to circle so they can make a bed with a bit of a rise to it where they can feel something around them while they sleep. I even noticed that my ponies like to make a spot where they have a depression to gain that sense of something around them as well. So nothing wrong with finding something comforting to snuggle with.

Broken sleep patterns are common with PTSD while working through whatever you need to finally settle down in your mind. You had a busy day and your mind was also very busy sorting through your past and your core issues along with also learning and moving forward at the same time.

It is also common to wake up confused because what I found is that when your mind is busy looking inward, which is your conscious mind evaluating your subconscious mind and whatever is disturbing you, and at the same time trying to process whatever you took in for the day is a lot of work for it to do at night. And you have also been doing that during the day too.

Personally, what I find exhausting is the emotional and physical that my entire body experiences. If I get a bad trigger and cycle it tires me out physically just as if I literally ran a marathon. A lot of people experience a degree of this that don't have PTSD, they do things to help them slow down and relax more like doodling, or leg movements or finger nail biting, twisting their hair through their fingers, rubbing their finger against their skin between there eye brows, holding their chins, tapping their pencils or fiddling with their pencils or even biting their pencils, just to name a few off the top of my head. So all you are really dealing with is the same only it's just magnified because of the PTSD. And a lot of people can lose track of time or day, it is just that with PTSD you are just so much more aware "hyper awareness".

The self soothing and self care Jane is learning how to take "time outs" for yourself where you can rest your body and even your mind if you can. That is why yoga and meditation is something that a person can develop as a skill to learn how to "let go" and relax the body and mind. I know it isn't always easy with PTSD, but practicing it here and there like anything else can slowly turn into a new skill. We actually all do it when we disassociate, everyone disassociates, so meditation is just cultivating it and using it to help us give our mind and body a break.

Jane, remember something, what you are doing with taking time to learn more so you can have a job that you like doing more is something you are doing for yourself. What I am seeing of your doors is that you have experienced other people disrespecting you in some way and pushing "themselves" and "their needs or opinions on you". I have a lot of that behind my doors too. I have noticed how this happens to a lot of people and I really noticed it taking place in people who are supposed to be professional psychologists/psychiatrists and even teachers and I have seen many parents do it too. When I watched that prominent child psychologist with her grand child I saw her "ordering and commanding and instructing" and she was not getting what she wanted from that child. I didn't know what she was while I was watching her but what I did get from her is that she gave off a "self important presence". You are working on child development right? Well, what "is" a child looking for? Now, you are looking behind some doors and what is really missing, what are the messages that you keep seeing? A big clue to me about your overall theme was how your mother saw your dishes and criticized them and told you what "she felt was the right dishes to have". Jane, a child that is developing from the beginning is "discovering self". Your son is "discovering himself" and learning how to develop "himself" and what you have been doing is "helping him with that process and helping him slowly develop 'HIS" self esteem. When a child isn't walking by 11 months is he a failure? Do we give him a low grade because of what he is not yet doing? Is he a failure if he is not walking when we want him to walk?

Jane, I observed a child psychologist with lots of credentials order, and order and order her three year old grand child to 'sit up, sit up, sit up" and grow impatient when this child did not "just keep sitting up straight". A three year old's attention span just doesn't work that way. Especially not in and environment where there are a lot of things to look at to distract her. When this "professional" got frustrated and asked me to take over, all I did was get that child involved with "her own desire for self discovery" and she was old enough to "want to think of herself as a pretty princess". I did not "order her" at all, instead I built on what "that child wanted to be, what SHE wanted". When you are dealing with "your doors", do you think what I am saying is "rocket science"? If you consider your doors what you are going to find is how you had to serve WHAT OTHERS WANTED and you didn't have anyone to help you with YOUR WANTS. If "mom" comes to visit and the child gets all stressed out like you and your sister, that means your mother did not raise you right. And this is a very common problem. Jane, when I visit my daughter I do not want her to stress and I genuinely do not care what dishes she has, or what her house is furnished like or how clean it is either. But I will tell you that I do know what dishes my daughter likes, she likes Portuguese pottery style dishes. And, you know what, they are pretty and its totally fine with me and I love seeing whatever it is that my daughter likes. I honestly don't care if I go to see her and her house is not all "just so" either. It is much more important to me to see her happy and I get to give her a hug. I spent a lot of money so my daughter could have a horse and ride and compete because she really loves to do that, I never told her that she had to "win ribbons to show me I am getting something for my money". I actually find it disturbing to go to horse shows where I see other parents telling their children to go "win" a competition to prove they appreciate the money that parent is spending on them. I never did that, I always told my daughter to "go ride and compete and learn and ENJOY". My daughter doesn't have to win a ribbon to feel fulfilled, while it is nice to have that happen, my daughter is more interested in the ride itself and how well her and her horse are connecting and riding that course (she rides a jumper that she trained).

Jane, you are going to be learning about yourself your entire life because self discovery takes place all our lives. If you are in a big class and many people are sitting behind you they are not really looking at and judging you the way the PTSD is making you feel. The truth is these other people are self involved with their own self discovery. Authority figures only deserve true authority when (as with that professor) they are able to know how to help you on that journey of "self discovery".

Now, think about the title you gave this thread again. If you are going to end up helping other people Jane, people that are struggling in some way THEY ARE ALL GOING TO BE ASKING THAT SAME QUESTION. What you will try to help them understand is that when another person tells them what dishes they "should have", they don't have to actually decide to "believe that person or feel bad in any way", because the truth is, they have every right to have whatever damn dishes they like, and for that matter they don't have to have any dishes at all, they can decide to just have paper plates that they don't have to bother washing but instead can just dispose of once they are used.

So the next time you begin to feel somehow threatened? I want you to
think about really giving yourself permission to just have paper plates and really make a deep subconscious ongoing message that there is nothing
wrong with that at all, it's easier to maintain and you can just throw them
out instead of having to wash them and put them away.

OE