So my mom has made it very clear that she feels I should be suffering through my marriage for the sake of my children like she did rather than setting boundaries and requiring my husband to seek help during this separation.

So Sunday we had a get together for youngest boy's birthday. I invited my husband since it was being held at my parent's house and I didn't want him to miss it despite what's going on. While we are all sitting around the table my mom turns to my husband and says "we are having a cook out next sunday would you like to come? I'll come pick you up" Which was fine accept I had no prior knowledge of said cookout nor am I comfortable having a family get together and spending the afternoon with him at this time. I have requested space and for the most part he has honored that. I also knew it would be assumed that I had prior knowledge about it when he and I were to communicate later. Sure enough the next day I got an email saying that he is planning to attend. I told him we wouldn't be attending. I also emailed my mom and said the following:
"Hi,
So I wanted to tell you a little about how I felt about Sunday.

I'm not sure if you did it intentionally or not but when you brought up the cook out and invited (husband) did you realize you hadn't mentioned it to me or even asked if we were coming or if we would be comfortable with (husband) being there?

I'm not entirely sure how to communicate how that made me feel other than that it put me in an uncomfortable spot in my interaction with (husband) and really I felt somewhat thrown under the bus by you. We already have plans and won't be attending but (husband) made the assumption that I was already planning to be there.

I struggle in this situation because when that happened it was another thing that felt like your agenda was more important than how I might have feel. I already struggle with the fact that I feel you side with him and identify more with what he's going through and are more supportive of that than how I feel and what I"m going through. You've also made it very clear you wouldn't be handling the situation the way that I am and so when things like this happen they feel incredibly disrespectful and disregarding of me as your daughter.

So I'm not entirely sure how to proceed but I guess I felt it was best to let you know how I"m feeling rather than continue to hold onto it and be mad. "

now what!