There's a difference between "getting your s*** together" and like... being perfect. A world of difference. I [note the I] think if you are completely wreckless and immature, and don't know yourself well... probably not going to have a lot of luck with relationships. yes, these things can have some overlap with some mental health issues but not always, not necessarily. I can be bipolar and know myself well and make good decisions about myself and my life. That would be... having issues but basically having my act together. So I think that when people say get rid of your own problems, heal yourself, whatever they say- and they think of someone who has advanced their career, paid off their car and never sees a therapist? They are living in some kind of dream world.

When they say have a reasonable sense of self and what you want in a relationship and maybe do ok on the communication front [or at least be willing to put in some hard work on these things at minimum]... I mean that's pretty reasonable, in my opinion.