I can relate to the feeling that maybe life has handed you a pile of ***** and sometimes it feels unfair. I'm not sure precisely what you were referring to in your conversation with your boyfriend though, what exactly in your life you were calling unfair or what suffering you are referring to.

I also don't know your boyfriend or what he has or has not experienced in his life, whether he has any way to relate personally to what you are going through. For some reason you posted word for word what you wrote to him but not what he wrote back so I can't really comment as well on his response, but I can give you my perspective on how I would respond in a similar situation.

That said, you express that you want emotional closeness.

I speak as someone who, like you experiences the general crap that goes along with having a mental illness. The daily and long term stressors that come along with it. I also have a lot of chronic pain and physical health problems. That is just to give you context, this is not a comparison of "suffering" or any kind of context.

I think it is easy to get caught up in our own negativity though.

People and relationships can be very fragile in some ways. We can easily use and abuse them and may not find out until we have worn out our loved one.


I don't think you meant for this to be manipulative, but if someone said that to me, I would absolutely feel I was being manipulated. Not only in the behavior that you are describing, but in the actual fact that you were telling me about it.

If you were talking about your suffering as stemming from your mental health issues, I mean those are something that, in some respects, you will have to learn to manage to some degree your entire life. You won't just wake up one day and suddenly be perfectly content. That doesn't actually happen to anyone- they wake up one morning and are perfectly content and remain so for every minute of the rest of their lives.

And if in your efforts to seek support, you believe you deserve not only praise but extra praise and congratulations, I have to ask- when your boyfriend is feeling particularly bad do you not only support him but praise and congratulate him as well? For... continuing to exist?

And what happens when one day you have put on an extra moody show and he is getting a bit taxed, but the next day you really DO feel that wretched? Do you continue to up the ante, knowing that you don't really feel that awful? When is the limit reached?

What do you do if you realize you've have burnt him out, only to find out you wore out his resources when you could have self-soothed, so now he is cranky and exhausted and frustrated? Because he probably can't even help you if you are in such a state, even if he wanted to.

People do not have endless resources to support other people. They are not a bottomless well from which to draw sympathy, empathy, pity from.

The fact that you say you feel like you bearing your suffering makes you special is a bit disturbing. You should be seeking attention for good things. For talents and abilities and positive characteristics you possess.

It is understandable that you need to vent occasionally. We all do. but you don't get emotionally closeness by manipulation and using your boyfriend as, basically a garbage disposal for everything you feel crappy about.

There needs to be a limit or there will be burn out.
If you are not in therapy, I highly recommend you explore that. If that is not a possiblity find a support group, as you may be under more stress than your relationship can withstand right now.

No one person can hold up the world.
Try to spread out the negativity. You can't focus it on him and only be that, as Elektra said.