Sorry if that read like my T is always on the phone, that's not the case, but yes over 60 sessions let's say he's texted people a few times during our session. All that being said, I actually feel angrier now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA
so i had this problem with my T before. about sending him texts and emails when i was in distress. at first he responded immediately but then started not to respond at all. We had a mini rupture over this a couple years ago. He told me that by him responding to my distressing texts and emails it reinforces the distress and dependency on him. He was saying that I need to learn how to take care of myself when im in distress/. it was like i wasnt taking respnsibility to care for myself and wanting him to take care of me. He also said when i sent distressing emails and texts it distressed him. We agreed that I wouldnt text him anymore. that lasted a long time but one day he texted me and we started texting again. but i thank him for making me realize that i can help myself when i am in distress just as much as he can help me. i think thats the goal of Therapy in general. To internalize the relationship and utilize it to take care of oursellves. It was good for me to be self reliant.
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I've wondered before if this is it, but then I think ok, lets say I've sent 5 distressed emails in over a year, is that dependency? I've felt distressed about a thousand times over that period. I feel so alone, usually my distress is needing to know someone cares. Would it really be that bad for me to have one person in my corner who can send me an encouraging word here and there? I'm just ranting on...
Actually feeling cared for is all my distress and my only need. I'm not sure it would really help me to ruminate more when I'm that state of mind. To be clear, I do not want to live when I'm in that state of mind of desperately needing to feel cared for (which by the way is just human isn't it?) I send an email since it's not as intrusive as a text or a call... I barely talk, I barely want to burden anyone. So maybe I should talk less, or maybe I should just die.
This absolutely blows because I want to fire him but I am too fing desperate and needy to do that without a lot of pain now. It seems to me that therapists foster dependency when it's in their best interest. Once it's there they can do whatever. No one takes me seriously, I literally want to kill myself I am so angry about the way I've been treated, not just this therapist, but my whole life. So bring on the hate! Make it easier for me.