I heard Oprah say one day, "if someone shows you who they are, believe them." This man has hid things from you and still seem to be hiding stuff. No, I don't agree that the boundaries should be set after the divorce, they should have already been set. He has not let go of his ex. He still keeps her in his life(therefore, your life). Sounds like to me he wants to keep both of you. I would think twice before putting anymore effort into this relationship. Sorry for the bummer of an answer, but been there, done that.