I'm sorry if I seem insensitive posting here, but lately I've been having a tough time with memories of some experiences I've had, and I just don't know if I was abused. I've recently come to some revelations about my sexuality and, naturally, am now totally interested in dating again after thinking I was just going to be alone forever. However, every time I take a step forward I get knocked two steps back. A little over a year ago I was in my first relationship. It was with my best friend, a boy, and I agreed because 1. I thought that by 16 I should have had a boyfriend already, and 2. I was terrified of losing him as a friend. As you can imagine, he was way more into the relationship that me- telling me he loved me, talking about the future with me, etc. I thought it was because of my mental illnesses that I didn't love him as much as he loved me, but now I'm starting to understand the whole "I like girls" thing. Anyways, along with with wanting more emotionally from the relationship, he wanted more physically, too. I've never been a very physical person but, of course, I let him do what he wanted. He kissed my neck, he touched my chest, he touched my butt, he grabbed my hips, he made out with me over, and over, and over again, but I never said "no". He said things to me like "You're a coward." and "All your friends hate you." and told my friend he was going to trick me into eating weed brownies so I would "loosen up". He wasn't a stupid guy, and I don't think he meant to hurt me as much as he did, but it hurt all the same. I understand that I am young and naïve, but I feel violated even a year later. I get flashbacks of him touching me and convincing me that I was a terrible person. I hate to sound like a cry-baby or oversensitive, but I feel like I've been abused. I guess my question is, is it sexual abuse/assault if I didn't say no and he didn't actually rape me? Is it emotional abuse or is it all in my head?